I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
