jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
