the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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