he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
