How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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