i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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