i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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