How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
