community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
