If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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