Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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