well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
