That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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