Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i will never coherently bang her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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