Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
