Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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