yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
