I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
