Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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