today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
