i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
