...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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