dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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