he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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