u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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