he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
