We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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