What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was CRYING into my vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
