tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
