y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
