My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
