can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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