By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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