Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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