i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
