ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
