Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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