her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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