she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My cat gives me a boner
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
