Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
