omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
