I'm really into asian looking animals
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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