No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize