I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
