At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
