im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
