so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
