Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
