you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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