so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
