whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
