Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
