proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
