these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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