the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
