kristin has been a bad kristin
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
