well I can't set my house on fire every night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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