this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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