are you so shy because you have an std?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
