nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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