Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
