I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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