The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
