He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize