do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
